I recently attended an interesting talk about stress management and coping mechanisms. The orator, a doctor in psychology, was animated and up beat. His style wasn't what you'd typically expect from someone who was from that type of "academic circles". He entered the room and his first words weren't hello or how are you? He simply looked at us and said:
"Fuck off."
We all laughed. He went on to explain that everything else that came out of his mouth for the rest of his lecture wouldn't be that hard to swallow or listen to. The use of an unexpected vulgar phrase immediately set a tone which everyone could relate to: He was just another person in the room who had a grounded sense of humor.
I couldn't help but smile as I listened to him as much of what he said resonated with a number of personal beliefs that I have. It's not a secret that I am hyper positive in everything I do. Its like an addiction really. Hard work leads to success. Dreams are made to tackle. Friends keep you healthy. Love makes you drive on. But on the journey to your goals, you'll encounter a ton of road blocks. Those may be negative people who live off the poison of cynicism, hate, prejudice or anger.
Every time you try to climb out of your small hole that you seem to be in (we will call it life "set backs"), there are some people who want to throw dirt on you to keep you buried.
But situations can also lead to stress, be it financial, personal, or a combo of factors. These all lead to emotional cracks that become bigger over time. How do we identify them? Let's take a look.
Am I a "used to" person?
When someone asks you what your hobbies are, how do you answer? If you find yourself saying "I used to hike. I used to play music. I used to do jiu jitsu" then you've fallen into the stress tornado. The past tense of the word "used to" indicate that the emotional toll of whatever is bothering you has taken over what kept you healthy originally.
Over time, as the stress builds up, you language about the people around you changes also. It starts like this:
There is me, my partner, my friends, and then the assholes.
Then as time and stress builds, your view changes more:
There is me, my partner, and then the assholes.
And then finally:
There is me and then there are the assholes.
Stress breaks down your relationships and cynicism creeps in more. Did you know that there is a test they can do to test your hormonal stress levels? They do this by taking a swab of your saliva.
There are ways to keep the stress down however.
Sleep Hygiene:
The biggest culprit in stress elevation is lack of sleep. I could write a 1000 pages on the subject but its already been done. A couple of tips I've learned with shift work and productivity.
-Electronic devices before bed are a no no. They give off a signal that the brain interrupts as "I guess we aren't going to sleep because its day time". Grab a book if you need that stimulation before bed.
-Eating: while a heavy meal may make you feel sleepy, its one of the worst things to do before bed time. It shunts the bodies function to digestion thus taking away from what it should be doing: repairing and resting the body.
-Hydrate before bed. Make sure those cells get enough H2O. It will help with body function and not feeling hung over or head achy when your rise.
-Melatonin: an excellent way to reset and keep the body in deeper REM if you have a messed up sleep schedule.
-If you have things on your mind, write them down on a pad of paper beside your bed so you can 'let them go', and tackle them the next day. Many people lie in bed, wide awake in the dark, playing over situations or thoughts in their head from the day. They think that if they don't think them out, they'll never get solved. They problem is, you aren't really in a good place to do that when your tired. Write it down, let it go and take it up when rested.
Breath. No really. BREATH
We hold our breath. I see it all the time. I see it in jiu jitsu or when people are doing target practice or when they talk with people, or when they are nervous. Taking small breaks (2 mins), to just sit, close your eyes, and breath will help center yourself in the chaos that may be your day.
Hobbies = Healthy:
It has been proven that doing certain hobbies will reduce stress levels. You don't want to tackle super stressful hobbies when you are already stressed however as this will only jack up your already elevated hormones. Yoga, martial arts, playing an instrument, casual board games, light hearted movies, dinner with your loved one, good wholesome conversations with friends...these all lead to lowered the stress levels that build in the body.
For me, training Jiu Jitsu is a massive stress release. So is listening to jazz or ambient music in front of the fire place and thinking about good memories from my past or dinner with my number one. You need to find yours.
Your mind will answer most of your questions if your learn to relax and wait for the answer.
I
recently stumbled upon a blog of a well know Jiu Jitsu practitioner ( I
decided to keep his name out of this post because I don't think its
important). I read a really interesting post of his and it really made
me think. Now, I can respect his reasons for taking Jiu Jitsu but I
wholeheartedly disagree with his view on the art.
In
the eight years I've been active on martial arts internet forums,
I've said many times that I'm not interested in self defence. It isn't
something I train for, firstly because I find it dull, and secondly
because I'm dubious about the benefits. I'm small, weak and passive, so
if some huge drunk with a broken bottle wanted to smash my head in
for knocking over his pint, I doubt there is much I could do beyond
running away.
Rickson Gracie
said : if size mattered, than the Elephant would be king of the jungle.
Yes, I realize that this is a nice poetic way of giving the small guy
hope in Jiu Jitsu. We've heard countless times of how Helio Gracie was
small and weak but really truly could handle himself in real fights in
Brazil (not match fights).
I don't take issue with the blog writer not finding reality fighting interesting but issue with that he is dubious
about the benefits. I'm small, weak and passive, so if some huge
drunk with a broken bottle wanted to smash my head in for knocking
over his pint, I doubt there is much I could do beyond running away.
Granted,
the writer admits to not having interest in self defense nor do I
believe he has ever had to use his skill set in a real fight. The
writer is articulate, analytical, and opinionated. He is what I would
refer to as an intellectual and sport BJJ player. Again, I have no issue with
this.
Without having direct empirical evidence or having
experienced this type of conflict on a regular (or even semi regular)
basis, it makes sense that he would come to this conclusion. It pains
me to think think that his "small, weak and passive" approach to life
wouldn't be able to stand up to someone larger than him.
Actually,
he is right. He most likely wouldn't fair well because a fighting mind
set is where all fighting starts. A negative and defeatist attitude
has you on the wrong end of winning to begin with. An amateur thinks IF
he can take you. A professional thinks HOW he can take you. I see this
a lot.
I have no doubt that the writer is very
accomplished at his grappling game and probably has "more medals" than most. Knowing him, I am sure his personal took box is sophisticated and
well thought out. He probably is a wonderful person to roll with too
(that is the sense I get). But having been involved on the RBSD side
for 20 years (including Japanese Jujutsu!) I can tell you from my direct experience that I have
seen plenty of weak, passive and small people 'beat' larger people.
And I mean plenty.
My martial arts experience has saved me
many, many times (Japanese Jujutsu and Gracie Jiu Jitsu/BJJ) against
men who are MUCH larger than me. It is not that I am a tough person but
I have learned to use my knowledge in a way that has kept me safe for
many years. I have seen people (literally 5'4 130lbs) take out larger
people (200lbs plus) because of speed, technique or a good combative
mindset. This knowledge has led to confidence.
I implore
people like the writer of the blog not to sell themselves short. Doing 8
years of Jiu Jitsu has probably given him more tools than he is aware
of. If conflict can be avoided ('running away'), that is fantastic. But
violence sometimes doesn't give you that option.
Real
fighting always starts with confidence. Real losing always starts with
the words I can't. Get your mind in check and see what follows.
When I was four years old, my parents brought me to the movie Superman. I remember clearly being totally engrossed in the film and finding a connection with the Man of Steel. He was able to do anything he wanted-he could fly, he had x ray vision, and he was impervious to wounds. As you can imagine, as a four year old, I lost myself in countless hours of day dreaming after seeing this film.
Rule 1: Find something that will spark and interest in you...and never let it go when the fire is started.
I flew around my home in my superman underroos and cape and made "swooshing sounds" as I passed my parents and sister. The film had such an impact on me that I actually demanded my next 3 birthday parties to be "Super friends" theme only. As you can imagine, I was the Man of Steel.
As a young child, I didn't see a separation between super powers and goals. I wanted to be "great and excellent". I wanted to save people and stop bad guys. It was engrained within me and I always thought about it.
Rule 2: Excellence is what you say and what you do.
Motivation comes from many places, but mine started as a spark that jumped off the silver screen into my little blonde head. This spark was nurtured by the support of my parents of course. My mother constantly encouraging me to become an "actor" or tackling projects that others may have seen as "too much as a fantasy." I just never ran into a situation where I thought "that is crazy." I looked at situations as "how can I tackle them?"
I remember as child pulling all the encyclopedia Britannica off the shelves and reading them. I can still clearly see the dark brown leather bound covers with red and gold letters and numbers adorning the spines. I still remember the date of the edition: 1967. I loved learning about science, dinosaurs, space, and history. This was my internet of the day.
Rule 3: Learn as much as possible. Take that knowledge and teach others. Make a difference. (my motto I came up with when I was 10)
When I was nine, I was on vacation in Las Vegas with my family when I saw Chuck Norris. Pulling on my Dad's pant leg, I pointed at the action star. I remember walking over to him with my Dad. Chuck said "Do you do martial arts?" I shook my head "no" although I had seen every karate, kung fu, and ninja film that had come out. Chuck said to me "When you start, don't ever stop." The next year, I took my first martial arts class. That was 30 years ago and I am still going.
Rule 4: There is no end date or finish line in motivation. Its a building and expanding thing.
My daydreaming never, ever stopped. I remember in the 4th, 5th and 6th grades talking about cool subjects in the "challenge classes". I would write stories and pictures of futuristic vehicles and devices. I'd spend my lunch hours playing Dungeons and Dragons with my core friends (something I did for 20 years). I remember discovering how important loyalty was at this age. I also remember standing up for my friends like a rabid wolverine when I would see bullying on the play ground. I hated it.
Rule 5: Imagination MUST be constantly used. Its what replenishes the mind.
I didn't like to follow trends or popular groups in school. I wasn't a loner but someone who liked to surround himself with other like minded and smart people. I liked different things. I remember drifting towards the "noir" during my teenage years. Dark films, vampires and industrial music. I would spend hours listening to music and write.
Rule 6: Take moments and be alone to refine the mind. Take moments to be with people and laugh.
My passion for music led me to radio. I started hosting my first radio show at 19. It was called Laced In Darkness and once a week, we'd broadcast from 3am to 6 am at the local university. I was involved with radio for almost 7 years and it lead me to interview bands and groups which I would have never been able to do otherwise. At 21, got to interview one of the founding members of the pioneering industrial group, Skinny Puppy, cEvin Key.
My radio partner and I had a hook up through our radio station with the label Nettwork. I remember having one of the employees asking me "Hey, want to meet cEvin?" I jumped at the chance. It was a cold fall evening as we took an elevator up to the 18th floor of a high rise in downtown Vancouver. As the doors opened, we walked into a large room. The windows overlooked the city. The only light in the room was coming from the sound boards that were situated around the room. I could hear dark wave music coming from one of the monitors. From the darkness, a 6 foot 5 figure emerged. This was cEvin Key. I was able to talk and chat for about 2 hours with him. It was a surreal moment for young kid who loved music so much. cEvin was articulate, soft spoken yet had mystery about him.
Rule 6: Find mentors and don't be afraid to reach out to them. Ask advice. Be ready to say "I don't know and I need help"
When I asked him how he got to where he was, he told me "I kept going and didn't let anyone tell me what was right. What the hell is right? Who has the right telling you that what you are doing is odd or has no chance on succeeding? Keep at it."
I realized that I wasn't lucky-I simply kept following the path which was set out for me at 4 years old. It simply is what I did. Follow your dreams. Do what makes you happy. Surround yourself with like minded individuals. This allowed me to tackle what I wanted.
When I entered university, I wasn't the best student on "paper" but I knew that I liked knowledge so much, it led me to philosophy. My university years were pretty awesome because I got to tackle my love of reading and thinking outside the box. In fact, I recall learning about lucid dreaming and how to do exercises to control your dreams. It was at 19 that I was first able to have a flying dream (a la superman) and control where and what I did. A pretty cool experience. Of course, what does a philosophy degree get you?
Rule 7: If you are under-estimated, that's ok. Hard work will pay off.
It gets you 18 years as a bouncer. (grin).
My time on the ropes was such a defining moment in my life. It forged some of my closest friendships and best times. It allowed me opportunities that I can't ignore. I loved my team and helping people. It even lead me to write a book on it. I often laughed when people said "your just a bouncer". They had no idea I also wrote, ran a successful martial arts academy, spent time in radio, was a private investigator, worked in film....never judge a book by its cover.
Rule 8: Pause. Reflect. Honor the past. Live the present. Look toward the future as something positive. Yes, be POSITIVE. Negativity of thought. People. Situations. These are the biggest drain on your pool of motivation.
I found that that motivation is built on moments between moments. When I was working the ropes, I was formulating ideas for other business or goals. It was while working as a bouncer that I decided to start a you tube site that grew into one of the most viewed on the planet. I've been able to help many people and that that keeps me going.
Rule 9: Never a wasted moment and never boredom.
I tackled another dream at 39 to enter law enforcement and did. It was a dream I had for over 20 years. You are never too old to tackle that to do list. The time is now. Don't keep waiting for something better. Make BETTER. Timing is everything in life and the ability to know thyself is key. And trust me, I've got a lot more to do before I am gone.
There is a superman in all of us....you just have to be willing to fly.
