Your Jiu Jitsu Peer Group: The Inner Circle
For the past 30 years, I’ve been involved
in this martial arts thing. And for the last 13 years, I’ve been teaching and
running my own martial arts academy. It has been a rewarding and eye opening
experience, giving me insight into human behavior, business strategies, and
emotional and intellectual endeavors of people. One such insight I’ve seen is
what I call the “inner circle” phenomenon.
As both an instructor and student of jiu
jitsu, I’ve observed and also been apart of an inner circle. I don’t mean to say that an inner circle is an
elitist group but rather, a by-product
of what happens when you start training
in the art.
We can all remember the first time we
stepped on the mats. We recall flailing about, using strength and speed as our
only weapons. We remember our heart racing and wondering how that guy/gal
tapped us out 10 times in 2 minutes. We hated the feeling of ‘drowning on land’
but for some reason, we kept coming back to class.
We looked around the room and saw the
magically beings called “blue belts” that could destroy us without so much as
breaking a sweat. Then we looked beyond them, far into the deep waters, and saw
purple and brown belts, swimming gracefully yet dangerously, like sharks. Then,
further still, we looked at the lone apex predator, the black belt(s), who
seemed mythical in their ability to do jiu jitsu.
It was frankly mind blowing. It was
daunting. But it was enough to keep you intrigued. So you stuck with it.
In order to keep your sanity and keep you
safe, you gathered around other white belts, much like schools of fish do in
the ocean, in order to stay alive. As time went on, you noticed more and
more of your fellow white belts disappearing. They would simply quit but metaphorically,
they were eaten by the countless dangers that abound in the great big sea.
Then, months down the road, you looked
around and noticed only a handful of white belts left. These white belts became
a family within a family. Sure you heard the higher belts talk about their time
as a white belt and that they knew what you were going through but it
seemed almost unbelievable when they spoke of it.
No
one knows what I am going through –you thought to
yourself -except my buddies on the mat
(white belts). If we stick together, maybe we can survive this jiu jitsu thing
long enough to become a blue belt?!
With that, I’ve seen several friendship
bonds form within schools, much like grad glasses in high school or university.
The common factor is that these white belts started at the same time so they
shared similar experiences. They could
recall “that crazy purple belt who always was at class”. They remembered that
giant bald dude who had that grey gi. They remember that girl with the tattoos who triangled
everyone. These common experiences forged mat friendships and made the white
belts relate to one another.
These same white belts also grappled the
most with one another. They had their own hierarchy within a hierarchy in the
school. They’d team up to do private lessons together. They’d compete together
at competitions. They’d hang out after class. This built bonds.
I have had 15 cycles of blue belts over the
last 13 years at my school. Each group (generation 1, 2,3 through 15 etc…) seemed to forge
their own friendships. As those blue belts turned into purple belts, those
friendships continued. I have also seen a huge attrition rate between blue and
purple belt so those who stuck it out became even tighter.
It is now common to attend weddings, baby
showers or just hang out with our trusted jiu jitsu friends. You see, Jiu Jitsu is tough no matter how you cut it. It takes a special kind of person to do it. Or maybe the art makes you special and you stick it out.
One of the by products of Jiu Jitsu knowing how to fight. One of the fundamentals is knowing how to LIVE!
Now, that’s not to say white, blue, purple,
brown or black belts can’t/don’t hang out or form bonds. They certainly do.
What I am saying is that you never forget your buddy that started at the same
time as you. And by the time you reach black belt, the person who sat to your
left and to your right, wont be there. You are the 1% and those who are there
with you when you reach black belt, will be brethren who know exactly ‘where
you grew up.”
If you are a higher belt and you catch
yourself telling a story to a white belt that starts like this “I remember
when” or “ back in my day”-know that TODAY will be their “I remember when
days”.
We all have different experiences that
shape our style. Just cherish the bonds you make with those people who started
with you and see who crosses the black belt "finish line".
Take care of one another.
